This is From The Balance Beam

[TheBalanceBeam] - Balance and Programming

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THE BALANCE BEAM
Ideas and Inspiration for Creating a Life that Works
Vol. 1 No. 6 October 29, 1999
Published by Success Builders, Inc.
http://www.SuccessBuildersInc.com
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"He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened."
Lao-tzu

In this issue: BALANCE AND PROGRAMMING
====================================================================== Dear Friends,
Welcome to our fifth installment in the "Balance And……" series, exploring the circumstances and conditions that can lead an individual to being out of balance. In this issue, we take a look at how programming, or the "should's and oughts" of life, can contribute to an unbalanced lifestyle. If you missed any of the earlier editions in this series, you can easily retrieve them at the archives on my website. Visit http://www.successbuildersinc.com/newsletter.html, and you will be taken directly to the site location for The Balance Beam. If you are not yet a regular subscriber, you can also enter your subscription information at this location.
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Today's Topic: BALANCE AND PROGRAMMING

Elaine is a 29-year old wife and mother of two elementary school-age children. She works as a part-time administrative assistant in the admissions office of a large state university. Elaine and her husband Bill were married nine years ago when he finished college and started work as a marketing representative for a pharmaceutical company. Elaine had just completed her associate's degree at the local community college when they got married, and she always intended to return to school to pursue her goal of becoming a physical therapist. But the couple had their first child within two years of their marriage, and their second daughter was born eighteen months later. Somehow, the idea of returning to school drifted farther and farther away.

If you were to follow Elaine around for the day, you would think you had run up on June Cleaver or Donna Reed. The house is always immaculate, complete with fresh potpourri in every room and throw pillows that are placed just right. Elaine's mother taught her that it's important to always have your home clean, neat and inviting, because you never know when friends might drop by.

Elaine works from 10:00 am until 2:00 p.m. four days a week, a schedule that allows her to drop off the girls at school in the morning, pick them up in the afternoon, and be free to take them to ballet, soccer practice and dance lessons. She makes three nutritious meals a day (no junk food for HER family!), cleans the house, weeds the garden, volunteers as a room mother at school, supervises homework, writes letters to friends and family (on real stationery, not email), and bakes fresh bread from scratch.

Over the past five or six years, Elaine has gained about fifteen pounds, which makes her uncomfortable. She knows she should exercise, but she's exhausted at the end of the day between work and taking care of Bill and the girls. Although she used to play tennis, and could join a league that plays on Fridays, her day off, that's the day she uses to catch up on housecleaning and gardening and tidying up the home for the weekend.

The university where Elaine works offers a major in physical therapy and provides free tuition to employees. She has toyed with the idea of beginning to take some classes on a part time basis, but can't seem to get past trying to figure out how she could do that and still take care of everything she has on her platter. Although Elaine's life looks perfect to most people, she feels tired and unfulfilled, and overwhelmed by her everyday obligations.

Elaine's life in unbalanced because she has allowed herself to be programmed to be SuperMom. Her daily existence is one long litany of schedules and things she has to do, simply because that's what a good wife and mother "should" do. Meanwhile, her hopes and dreams of becoming a physical therapist have fallen by the wayside. She loves her husband and kids, and wouldn't neglect them for the world, but she knows something is missing.

Could programming be contributing to a lack of balance and fulfillment in your life?
Try these exercises:

1. Without altering your regular daily activities in any way, count the number of times you use the phrases, "I should…..," "I ought to…..," or "I have to….." at the beginning of a sentence. See if you can enlist someone who will be around you during the day to let you know when they hear you using one of these phrases, as we all tend to use them fairly unconsciously. At the end of the day, note how many things you've done out of a sense of obligation, vs. how many things you've done because you wanted to.

2. Take a look at the standards and expectations you impose upon yourself. Do they serve you well, bring you joy, and leave you fulfilled? Or are they merely leftover "should's" that reflect someone else's agenda?

3. Ask yourself these questions: How do you want to leave your mark on the world? What are your greatest gifts? What do you perceive to be your life purpose? Now, how are you spending your time? In pursuit of what you identified above, or are you filling your day with details and obligations that don't really matter?

Coaching Tip: Because all of us are programmed in ways that we may not even recognize, it's often useful to have an objective sounding board to help you analyze those habits and patterns that are serving you well vs. those that are not. A personal coach can help you identify and remove the roadblocks in your life. Did you know that coaching is as close as the telephone? Check out www.successbuildersinc.com/ServicesIndividuals.html. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Words to live by: "The more you listen to the voice within you, the better you will hear what is sounding outside."
- Dag Hammarskjold
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Coming Up: For those of you in the Greenville (SC, USA) area: I will be joining with Fellow Coach Brad Swift to offer a live, 4-session coaching series entitled "Money and Meaning" during the month of November at Natural Elements in Greenville, SC. Classes will be held on Tuesday evenings, Nov. 9 - 30, from 6:30 - 8:30 pm. This series is devoted to "exploring and freeing ourselves from the money myths and fantasies that grip and control our lives." You are invited to come and re-invent your relationship with money in this stimulating 8-hour program! Please call (864) 268-5386 or (888) 279-4316 toll-free for details and registration information.

For those of you outside of the Greenville area, be on the lookout for this program to be delivered via teleclass. Connect from anywhere to join in! Further details coming soon…