This is From The Balance Beam

[TheBalanceBeam] - Overcoming Perfectionism

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THE BALANCE BEAM
Ideas and Inspiration for Creating a Life that Works
Vol. 2 No. 1 January 7, 2000
Published by Success Builders, Inc.
http://www.SuccessBuildersInc.com
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"He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened."
Lao-tzu
In this issue: OVERCOMING PERFECTIONISM
====================================================================== Dear Friends:
I hope this finds your New Year starting off well as we move forward on our journeys and put the Y2K stuff behind us! January is a month of transitions. In this issue of The Balance Beam, we look at ways to approach new beginnings without demanding perfection of yourself.

If you want to check out earlier editions of The Balance Beam that you may have missed, you can easily retrieve them by clicking on http://www.successbuildersinc.com/newsletter.html and going to the Archives section. If you are not yet a regular subscriber to The Balance Beam, you can also enter your subscription information at this location.
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Today's Topic: OVERCOMING PERFECTIONISM

I had the opportunity to see the pursuit of perfection in action today on my trip to the gym. It's January, and this is the month for New Year's resolutions. The facility that I belong to is normally not too crowded, and it's usually easy to get to the piece of equipment you want. Today was different, however, and the lines were two and three people deep waiting to get to the most popular exercise machines.

January is the designated month for getting it right. This is the time of year when we commit to losing ten pounds, getting in shape, re-doing the kitchen, getting the raise, winning the sales award, finishing the book, and completing the project to end all projects. This is the month to go for the gusto, rise to new heights, achieve perfection.

Wait a minute - achieve perfection? Is that really possible? From the looks of grim determination I saw at the gym today, you'd think maybe it was. But the truth is, most of those people won't be there in three months. When the sobering reality that a perfectly hard body at age 45 is next to impossible, many of these people will simply stop coming.

Perfectionism is not the healthy quest for excellence, as many people tend to believe, but rather, a driven pursuit of unrealistic goals. As psychiatrist David Burns points out, "Setting high personal standards and goals, and working hard to attain them is appropriate. However, perfectionists set excessively high goals and strive compulsively to achieve them, punishing themselves for mistakes and lowering self-esteem because they can't reach these impossibly high goals."

While a commitment to excellence and a need for perfection may appear closely related, they are actually driven by very different motivations and emotions. An excellence orientation is a healthy manifestation of wanting to be your best and continually grow and learn. There is room for mistakes in an excellence orientation, and often a generous dose of humor associated with the blunders or honest oversights that happen along the way. Perfectionism, on the other hand, is far less forgiving. It is driven by fear of failure and feelings of inadequacy, which are accompanied by a relentless lack of tolerance for mistakes.

The irony of perfectionism is that excess fear of failure can actually lead to making more mistakes. I once had a client who had to deliver a speech at a professional conference. She had rehearsed and memorized for days, and was determined to give the presentation of a lifetime. Unfortunately, she got so caught up in needing to have a perfect delivery that she completely lost contact with the content she was presenting. When a door slamming at the back of the room caused her to become momentarily distracted, she lost her place and her mind went totally blank. As she reflected back on the agonizing moments that followed, she acknowledged that her pursuit of perfection had interfered with her ability to stay with her audience and adapt to the situation.

Could you be at risk for perfectionism? Rate your level of agreement with the following statements using a 1 to 5 scale, where 1 = Disagree completely, 2 = Somewhat disagree, 3 = Feel neutral, 4 = Somewhat agree, and 5 = Agree completely:

1. I worry about what others will think if I make a mistake.
2. It's difficult for me to say, "I don't know."
3. If I achieve less than 100% of the results that I'm after, I feel like I've failed.
4. When I am unsuccessful at a task, I feel badly about myself.
5. I'm likely to abandon a goal if I feel like I can't do it very well.
6. It's important to me that others like me and approve of what I do.
7. I avoid taking on difficult challenges and projects because I might fail at them.
8. I replay incidents in my head and criticize myself for saying or doing the wrong thing.
9. It's possible to be totally happy at work if you find the "right" job.
10. I focus more on possible failure than potential success.

How did you do? A lot of 4's and 5's might suggest that you have a tendency to approach things in a perfectionist way, and be overly concerned with the implications of failure. If this sounds like you, consider these tips:

-Develop an awareness of the distinction between setting high personal standards and perfectionism. Having high standards leaves a lot of room for mistakes, learning and growth, and acknowledges that you are a "work in progress." Perfectionism involves setting impossibly high goals and is rooted in fear.

-Learn to focus on your successes rather than your perceived or feared failures. This has to do with the contrast between whether you see your glass as half full or half empty. Celebrate your successes, however small, and view them as opportunities for delight, not just as "effective failure avoidance.

-Come to understand that your worth and value as a person are not simply a function of your accomplishments. Learn to embrace your foibles and weaknesses as inevitable parts of being human. Laugh at your mistakes. Have fun with them. And give yourself permission to get on with your life.
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Words to live by:
"I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business."
- Michael J. Fox, quoted by Lorne A. Adrain in "The Most Important Thing I Know"