This is From The Balance Beam

[TheBalanceBeam] - Getting to the Heart of the Matter

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THE BALANCE BEAM
Ideas and Inspiration for Creating a Life that Works
Vol. 2 No. 5, March 3, 2000
Published by Success Builders, Inc.
http://www.SuccessBuildersInc.com
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"He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened."
Lao-tzu
In this issue: GETTING TO THE HEART OF THE MATTER
====================================================================== Dear Friends,
One of the less obvious balance issues that we all seem to deal with in our lives, at one time or another, is the balance between fear and truth. In a perfect world, we could totally abolish our fears, thus paving the way for total truth and honesty. While we humans may not be quite that perfect yet, moving toward greater truth is a healthy direction for our businesses, our cultures and our lives. In this issue of The Balance Beam, we consider emotional truth, and the value it serves for us.

If you want to check out earlier editions of The Balance Beam that you may have missed, you can easily retrieve them by clicking on http://www.successbuildersinc.com/newsletter.html and going to the Archives section. If you are not yet a regular subscriber to The Balance Beam, you can also enter your subscription information at this location.
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Today's Topic: GETTING TO THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER

In the spirit of the U.S. presidential nomination campaigns, I decided to write this week's column on the subject of truth. A heavy topic for a biweekly ezine, I know, but one that pervades both the big and little aspects of our everyday lives in more ways than we might imagine.

Now, before we can talk about truth, it's important to define what kind of truth we're referring to. First, there's the Truth, with a capital T, as in the absolute variety that you might hear about in church on Sunday. Then there's relative truth, which depends on your perspective on things. This is the kind the political spin-doctors have latched onto with a vengeance during recent weeks. We might also consider innocent truth, which is what we allude to when we use the phrase, "Out of the mouths of babes." Personal truth, a.k.a., "my truth" or "your truth" refers to those deeply held beliefs that frame our authentic selves.

Since I can't take on all varieties of truth in one sitting, I've decided to focus on what I'll refer to as emotional truth, or the truth of how we feel about things. More specifically, what intrigues me is how we feel about things where we work.

A research study done a couple of years ago revealed that in a survey of 40,000 Americans, 93% admitted to lying "regularly and habitually in the workplace." What in the world are all these people lying about? For the most part, it's not about the tangible aspects of what's been said or done; more likely, it has to do with their perceptions of the boss, their trust levels in their companies, their confidence in how they fit in. In short, it's how they feel about the place.

Brad Blanton, author of "Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth," says that, "We manage our companies through a series of delusional cliches: 'The customer is always right...I'm not angry....We're proceeding according to plan.' But we all know better than that. Lying takes a huge toll in terms of stress, anxiety, and depression."

In my work with management teams, I see an abundance of politically correct behavior in meetings. And while there may not be overt lying going on, there certainly are a lot of true feelings that never make it to the table. In fact, I've often felt that if you want to hear the truth about the way people are feeling, the best strategy is to be a fly on the wall in the restroom during the breaks. There, the truth shows up in furtive whispers and five-minute sound bites.

So why is it that we have such a hard time acknowledging how we really feel about what goes on in business? What keeps us from telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Consider these reasons:

1. We're afraid we will hurt someone's feelings.
2. We're afraid of the consequences of taking a stand.
3. We're afraid of having unpopular opinions.
4. We're afraid to acknowledge something that might cause a conflict or make a problem worse.
5. We're afraid our opinions aren't valid.
6. We're afraid that expressing what we feel might leave us vulnerable.
7. We're afraid of opening Pandora's box.
8. We're afraid that if we put the truth out there, we might have to act on it.
9. We're afraid of jeopardizing our jobs.
10. We're afraid that we might have to step out of our comfort zones and take on the challenge to improve our personal and organizational circumstances.

The theme here is obvious: it's all about fear. Being afraid is what holds us back from expressing the truth as we see it.

Unfortunately, for some people, these fears are grounded in reality. They have seen co-workers and colleagues take hits for speaking up, and so they hold back, out of concern that the same thing could happen to them. But all too often, the problem is simply fear itself - fear that is insidious, speculative, and winds up becoming paralyzing for the individuals who experience it.

At the same time, an interesting phenomenon is happening in the workplace. More and more corporate leaders and executives are realizing that they don't have all the answers, and are becoming more inclined to want real and honest feedback, even if it stings. The increasing use of 360-degree feedback processes bears witness to this. They're also beginning to understand that there's tremendous energy and productivity to be gained by providing people with an environment in which they feel valued, honored, and safe enough to speak the truth as they see it. In short, they're coming to know that dealing with honest emotions is good for the bottom line.

There's an old saying that says, "The truth will set you free." For businesses and leaders, the challenge is to create a safe harbor that gives permission to the expression of truth and acknowledges its value. For all of us, the challenge is to face the fear, and tell the truth anyway.

Coaching Tip: A personal coach can help you break through your fears of telling the truth and find new freedom to grow into your authentic self. Did you know that coaching is as close as your telephone? Check it out at http://www.successbuildersinc.com/ServicesIndividuals.html.