This is From The Balance Beam

[TheBalanceBeam] - Balance and Rationalization, revisited

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THE BALANCE BEAM
Ideas and Inspiration for Creating a Life that Works
Vol. 3 No. 6, April 9, 2001
Published by Success Builders, Inc.
http://www.SuccessBuildersInc.com
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"He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened."
Lao-tzu
In this issue: BALANCE AND RATIONALIZATION
====================================================================== Dear Friends,
Last week we began re-running the series from the early days of The Balance Beam on obstacles to achieving life balance. In this issue, we continue on by taking a look at all the ways in which we "explain away" the habits and behaviors that keep us from achieving a balanced lifestyle.

If you want to check out earlier editions of The Balance Beam that you may have missed, you can easily retrieve them by clicking on http://www.successbuildersinc.com/newsletter.html and going to the Archives section. If you are not yet a regular subscriber to The Balance Beam, you can also enter your subscription information at this location.
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Today's Topic: BALANCE AND RATIONALIZATION

Most of us learn to be interested in explanations at a very early age. If you've raised children, or currently have a young child, then you know the litany of questions that begins with, "Why?.....Because why?......" This pattern develops out of a healthy curiosity and a young child's need to understand and make sense of the world. Explanations satisfy this curiosity and allow the child to move on to the next question.

As we grow older, our need for explanations sometimes develops a life of its own and starts working against us. This is often the case in an adult whose life is unbalanced, where there is a tendency to try to "explain away" all the reasons that the imbalance exists, rather than simply acknowledging the situation for what it is.

You know the story. It typically involves an individual who allocates a disproportionate amount of time and mental/emotional energy to their job. Take the case of Carol, for example. Carol is a 49-year old systems consultant who works for a fast-paced consulting firm. Her typical workweek is 50 - 60 hours, and she frequently takes work home to do on evenings and weekends. Although she doesn't travel constantly, she has spent more time than she cares to admit waiting for late planes and lugging her belongings from airport to taxi to hotel and back. The few vacations she takes are "recovery time" and she frequently finds herself too exhausted on her rare days off to do anything but zone out in front of the TV. She loves to golf and visit museums, but it's been ages since she's done either, and her friends have given up on including her in their plans.

Carol acknowledges that she's tired and drained, and she has a laundry list of reasons to offer as to why she has no choice but to maintain the schedule that she does. Here's just a sample: There's been a lot of turnover among junior consultants at her firm, and she's the only one who has the expertise needed on many of the projects. Although her clients' expectations are frequently unreasonable, the client is always right, so she has to deliver whatever they request. Her firm is in a volatile industry in a shaky economy; if layoffs occur, she wants to be last on the list. She's proud of the reputation for "going the extra mile" that she has developed and wants her superiors to continue to view her this way. She's a single woman, so it doesn't matter if she leaves the office late because no one is waiting for her at home.

Carol has rationalized her lack of balance with umpteen excuses or "explanations" for why it is the way it is. Unfortunately, what she has failed to acknowledge is that her lifestyle is not serving her well, she's not very happy, and she is the only one with the power to change the situation.

Rationalization keeps many lives out of balance. It's tricky, and it creeps up on us as we're in the midst of trying to "do the right thing." If you suspect that rationalization is contributing to your feeling out of balance, try taking the following steps:

1. First of all, acknowledge how you are feeling, without feeling compelled to offer explanations. What words come to mind? Energized, vibrant, well rested? Or is it more like tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed? If the latter sounds more like your description, take a stand. You are the master architect in your life. If it's not serving you well, spend your energy on implementing healthier choices, not on offering explanations.
2. Examine your boundaries. Many of us get out of balance by saying yes when we want to say no, by taking on one more assignment when our platter is already full, by allowing others to do inferior work and then cleaning up behind them, by taking the open-door policy too literally until our offices have become a parade of one interruption after another. Strengthen your boundaries so that they serve you well. What's that you say - you need to knock yourself out to get ahead in this company? Sorry. That's rationalization number 1. Is this really where you want to be??
3. Clarify your values. I often hear clients say they tolerate being out of balance because they have to make a certain amount of money to sustain the lifestyle they and their family enjoy. If you knew this was your last week on the planet, would any of that really matter? Would your spouse and kids want to make sure you had paid the monthly dues to the country club, or would they want more hugs from you?
4. Take action! It's not enough to go through this process and say, "Yes, I recognize that I could be rationalizing certain aspects of my life." Choose how you want to balance your life, take an honest look at the gaps that you currently have, and get moving!

Coaching Tip: If it's difficult for you to tell where you may be rationalizing, ask for feedback. Ask your spouse, your kids, your friends, your coach, to honestly tell you where they see you making excuses. And be willing to act on what you hear!
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Words to live by:
"You never find yourself until you face the truth."
- Pearl Bailey