This is From The Balance Beam

[TheBalanceBeam] - Anticipating Life's Changes

======================================================================
THE BALANCE BEAM
Ideas and Inspiration for Creating a Life that Works
Vol. 3 No. 14, July 14, 2001
Published by Success Builders, Inc.
http://www.SuccessBuildersInc.com
======================================================================
"He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened."
Lao-tzu
In this issue: ANTICIPATING LIFE'S CHANGES
====================================================================== Dear Friends:
This is one of those milestone years in my house, as we prepare to send our only child off to college in about a month. This edition of The Balance Beam is dedicated to my son, Justin, who reminds me every day what growth and change are really all about.

If you are interested in reading earlier editions of The Balance Beam, you can easily retrieve them by clicking on http://www.successbuildersinc.com/newsletter.html and going to the Archives section. If you are not yet a regular subscriber to The Balance Beam, you can also enter your subscription information at this location.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today's Topic: ANTICIPATING LIFE'S CHANGES

There's an old song from the 60's that contains the line, "And nothing's quite as sure as change." I was reminded of this last week when I accompanied my son to his two-day college orientation program. Funny, it seems like just yesterday that I was attending my own college orientation. Talk about a time warp...it was clearly NOT just yesterday.

It was fascinating for me to watch the shifts Justin made during this brief couple of days. Prior to the first morning he had butterflies in his stomach. I could almost see part of him wanting to go back home and recapture the old days of cereal and milk in front of Saturday morning cartoons (which, by the way, someone recently told me is an integral part of freshman year...another story for another column). But by the end of the second day, he was navigating the campus like an old pro, and loving every minute of it.

Throughout the orientation program for new students there was a parallel track for the families. In addition to hearing much the same spiel that our sons and daughters were getting, we also heard a lot of discussion about preparing for your kids to leave the nest - the agony and the ecstasy, as it were. I can attest to the dichotomy of it all. Some days it feels like being on the brink of an intoxicating new freedom, and some days it feels like a terminal case of separation anxiety.

Sending a child off to college is a line of demarcation that lets you know you are about to encounter one of those life passages that Gail Sheehy talks about in her books. Get ready for change, because here it comes, in a big way.

Anticipating and preparing for life's big changes isn't easy. Whether it's getting married, having a baby, sending that child to college, changing careers, or planning for retirement, even the positive events in our lives require shifts and adaptation. And, because we human beings sort of like predictability and the familiar in our lives, that's stressful. Biologically, we're programmed for homeostasis, which is to say that we crave equilibrium. And anything that upsets that apple cart and requires us to find new ways of interacting with the environment that can be mighty uncomfortable - at least initially.

In his books "Transitions" and "Managing Transitions," author William Bridges suggests that we don't really fear change. What we fear is the losses associated with change. And while the change events themselves may happen quickly, the psychological process of transition that we go through to adapt to those changes can take a while. This is probably where that trite term "period of adjustment" comes from.

Fortunately, I got some good advice about anticipating change when I was at the parents' orientation program. It occurs to me that this is sage wisdom for dealing with many kinds of life transition, and I pass it along for you to keep in mind the next time you find yourself confronting one of the "big" ones:

1. Allow yourself to experience the full range of emotions involved. If change is about loss, then you have some grieving to do. It's OK to shed a few tears and have a blue day now and then.

2. Know that you will inevitably experience what Bridges refers to as the "nowhere between two somewhere's." This is that murky and confusing period of time when you're trying to figure out how to adapt to your new circumstances, but you don't quite have it all nailed down yet.

3. Since your familiar routines are going to be disrupted anyway, do it proactively. Go out for breakfast instead of plopping down at the kitchen table with your same old bagel and coffee. Get the laundry done on Tuesday night, so you can do something a little less mundane on Saturday morning.

4. Start something new. Take a class in something you've always been intrigued by, or commit to developing a new hobby. Volunteer your services to a worthy cause. In other words, fill your time, so you're not left with a big void in your day.

5. Know that this, too, shall pass. And when it does, you might just discover that you're in for the time of your life. Bring on the first semester!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Words to live by:

"Weep not that the world changes -- did it keep a stable, changeless state, it were a cause indeed to weep."
- William Cullen Bryant