This is From The Balance Beam

[TheBalanceBeam] - Trick-or-Treat Revisited

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THE BALANCE BEAM
Ideas and Inspiration for Creating a Life that Works
Vol. 3 No. 12, October 29, 2002
Published by Success Builders, Inc.
http://www.SuccessBuildersInc.com
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"He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened."
Lao-tzu
In this issue: TRICK-OR-TREAT REVISITED
====================================================================== Dear Friends:
One of the most treasured childhood traditions surrounding Americans' observance of Halloween is Trick-or-Treat, a custom that derives from practices based on the original Celtic celebration of All Hallows Eve. In this issue of The Balance Beam, I invite you to look with adult eyes at the youthful mixture of fear, courage, and pure exhilaration that defines the trick-or-treat experience.

If you are interested in reading earlier editions of The Balance Beam, you can easily retrieve them by clicking on http://www.successbuildersinc.com/newsletter.html and going to the Archives section. If you are not yet a regular subscriber to The Balance Beam, you can also enter your subscription information at this location.
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Today's Topic: TRICK-OR-TREAT REVISITED

Like most people, I hate getting caught in standstill traffic at rush hour on an interstate highway. So when I left Raleigh, North Carolina this week at 5:30 in the afternoon after a long day's meeting, there was no question about the route I would take. Opting to avoid the dreaded I-40, I headed down Highway 64, a meandering, but traffic-free path to get back to I-85 south. Along the way, I passed a couple of pumpkin patches. Pure country, with pumpkins neatly laid out in little rows on hillsides and adorned by bales of hay, scarecrows, and an occasional black plastic witch's cauldron.

When I was a child, Halloween was my favorite part of holiday season. There was such anticipation, and great ceremony surrounding the month-long preparations that culminated in the trick-or-treat ritual. Everything about October seemed to be excitedly orange and black, as we searched for the perfect costumes, hung fake spiders and cobwebs, dug out galvanized tubs that were used just once a year for apple bobbing, and carved pumpkins -- the prize going to the one who not only created the spookiest face, but who also made the biggest mess with stringy innards and pumpkin seeds flying everywhere.

After what seemed like forever, the appointed hour on October 31st finally arrived. We would head out the door and run to meet the neighbor kids, packs of banshees shrieking through the night, in search of the scariest, most foreboding house we could find to begin our trick-or-treat mission. This usually ended up to be a shabby little place off the beaten path, occupied by a lone, eccentric man or woman, whom everyone feared and used as the character for wild tales, mostly lies, designed to plant fear in our hearts and minds even as we made our way up the rickety steps.

Fear and courage. This was the mixture that fueled our excitement on Halloween night. I'll never forget the effect it had on our youthful little body chemistries. It was as if we had imbibed in some forbidden elixir, that jet propelled our activity through the night, and made for an oh-so satisfying sense of triumph when we finally arrived home, ready to dump the contents of our trick-or-treat bags on the living room floor to sort through the bounty.

Fear and courage. It's a combination that shows up not just on Halloween night, but in our workplaces, our relationships and our everyday lives. Experiencing fear is simply part of being alive. It comes with the territory and manifests itself, to some degree, every time we encounter a new situation. It also appears in familiar circumstances when there are choices to be made and the stakes are high. And sometimes it shows up just because our resources are depleted and we're not feeling particularly strong. As the saying goes, many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

While the emotion of fear is a universal phenomenon, there's a vast range of ways in which people deal with it. Author Susan Jeffers, in her book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, notes that how we respond is not about feeling fear, since that's something all of us experience; what matters is how we hold the fear, and whether it feels paralyzing or energizing. For those who are paralyzed by fear, it shows up as a source of limitation, reflected in language such as "I can't....if only....it's not my fault." On the other hand, the experience of fear can actually be motivating, moving people into a place of personal power. Notice the difference in the typical language here, which sounds more like, "My choices are....next time I will....this is an opportunity to...."

In The Places That Scare You, American Buddhist nun Pema Chodron suggests that rather than steeling ourselves against hardship, we should open up to the vulnerability inherent in fearful situations. Moving toward what we fear instead of away from it helps us build a sense of compassion and loving kindness that leads to more effective mastery of life's inevitable difficult situations.

What are some of the fear-laden situations that show up in the workplace? For most of us, it's things like fear of confrontation, fear of being overwhelmed by too many projects and too few resources, fear of making a mistake on a critical assignment, fear of politically-charged situations, fear of becoming obsolete, fear of corporate downsizing. And the list goes on. Now consider the range of options at our disposal in responding to these fears. On one end of the continuum is the option to hunker down, lay low, and try to stay off the radar screen. In many ways, this is a choice for powerlessness. The other extreme is to take the bull by the horns and behave as if the best defense is a good offense. Unfortunately, this is a choice that often leaves both bodies and careers in its wake.

Somewhere in the middle is the option to acknowledge the fear induced by the situation, recognize it as an opportunity for personal and professional growth, take a deep breath, and summon up the courage to move forward into action with grace and positive intention. In many situations, this is kind of like turning the light on when you're feeling surrounded by ghosts and goblins. Taking tangible action allows you to realize that the fear, if not unfounded was at least exaggerated. It also helps you to transition from powerlessness to choice, which is a tremendously freeing platform on which to stand.

Halloween is next week. And all across America, little kids will be out trick-or-treating, staring their fears in the face and summoning up the courage to climb up those stairs anyway. If they can do it, so can we.
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Words to live by:
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."
- Marianne Williamson, quoted by Nelson Mandela in his inaugural speech

"Courage is being scared to death -- and saddling up anyway."
- John Wayne